I recognized that is has been ages since I've posted a blog here on Newgrounds, which now is making me think that it has gotten to the point where this would be the last website anyone of my usual audience would think I would migrate to after I decided to quit Twitter recently. After all, it's better the vent here or on my server than what's regarded as one of the most infamous sites. Before anyone ask: Yes, I'm aware that it's under ownership by one of the most childish billionaires of mankind, but this is not what's it about. This has nothing to do with what goes on where, but rather about me addressing how sinful it is to be clingy towards the people you like to support.

I’ve learned something a few months back that you don’t need to have common sense to care for someone. However, I’m under the impression that this advice didn’t seem to work wonders for me, provoking myself to feel guilty due to how hard that bit me. I’ve always wanted to do something special for the people closest to me, especially when they’ve been through tough times in their personal lives, seemingly like there’s no one to be supportive like a sibling. I know nothing but to give or remain silent. Is neither okay?

Remembering my old self from before 2020, he would imagine, and I quote: "a limit" for how much he cares for his friends and won’t go to an ‘excessive’ degree. Today, I question if I ended up annoying them by becoming too generous for the sake of keeping their trust, only to lose it 2 years after we met? This feeling was what finished off my old self 2 years ago. I insanely couldn’t control my thoughts after realizing my emotions had been manipulated, and later, I would pay for a sin I didn’t commit.

I wanted to change for the better, but what lesson is there for me to learn? I'm uncertain if the lesson is to not be so clingy towards people I care for, or to never start bonds to begin with. There’s no choice for me but to accept another unnatural personality change as I'm trying to find answers and forgiveness. Maybe I should stop expecting people to repay me and labeling my friends as family. I might even go as far as putting a stop to gift art... entirely as I know why most people don't do it so constantly compared to me. My emotions have already overpowered me for long enough, and I want to fight them as part of preventing myself from reliving more events from 2020!

Click the hyperlink for Part 2.