So... I haven't been active since the fall season of last year as it seems. Well, more particularly, since the holiday season as I am going to begin explaining why I basically "quit" Newgrounds.

I know I don’t have that many followers here, but if you know me from Twitter, then you probably remember the rants and call outs I posted about the very past Secret Santa event that was hosted here on Newgrounds in 2022. Yeah, I had basically left because of that, however, there’s more to it: When I participated, the rules were essentially the same as 2021, and I requested one of my Pokémon OCs to be drawn. Before I get deeper into that detail, I’ll just say that this entire dilemma all started with me not receiving my gift first thing on Christmas morning as others are supposed to until 10PM; as if the artist knew my time zone to post a horrific… terrifying… abomination. What I got was so bad, I can’t show it to anybody, even if it’s for evidence. I reported to the moderators, and they turned out to be no help.

Allow me to deliver you the Monday/Thursday translation of the response I got from them: “Sorry to hear that the artist made you an abomination for Christmas, but consider it coal as you weren’t supposed to submit OCs based on video game/anime/movies like last year; especially when it’s a generic premature recolor of a Pokémon.” Insults aside, they should’ve given me a warning instead of waiting 35 days after I made the submission to enforce the rule. They then replaced the image with something that at the very least eliminated any sense of it being terrifying; so, at least I can look at it, but the new image was just the mod(s) mocking me for simply having the thought of participating. In other words, the whole event was a set up. They PLANNED this to screw over ONE person.

To further prove that approving my character WASN’T an accident: I found out that roughly 11 to 17 people got away with breaking the same rule I broke, and what they got weren't abominations, but rather perfectly made artwork. I saw a Kirby, some Pokémon here and there, an Inkling (Splatoon), a Binding of Isaac character, as well as what is literally Jugo from Naruto Shippuden sitting on a wheelchair. Yet, an Icy Nidoqueen that can become a Lapras isn’t allowed. I wish I found out about these submissions sooner and use to call out the hosts for their hypocrisy, but when I found out at the time, it was already too late to make damage control without relying on external help (which at the end of the day--year even--I did). Now, it’s 2 1/4 months later, and here I am rambling this entire story again just to tell my next-to-no audience where I've been ever since 2022 ended.

I don’t just fade out of a site without notice, you know. Like with DeviantArt. Despite that site having its own issues, I left for a different reason, being that the site is a barren wasteland filled to the brim with abandoned accounts made by people who are in their 50s to 70s, and interacting with people just gets harder as my career went on. I didn't delete my account until 2 years later when it gets to the point where that account is now following countless people who aren't my friend anymore, and I don't want to take all the time in the world to delete each gift art I made for them; hence why I don't upload artwork involving my friends on here or Pixiv.

Here, on Newgrounds, I feel like my issues with DeviantArt have gotten worse, minus the abandoned accounts part. In addition, the whole secret santa incident is what finished it off. I lost all my respect for this website. Hell, I was active to consider this page my vent account whenever I want to get something off my chest but not on Twitter.

In conclusion, Newgrounds don't know how to manage their events, and I have lost all my respect for this site. The games are great, but the contests are as graceful as tits on a nun. Pixiv is already my primary art gallery, while Newgrounds had been my secondary gallery for a while, I'm just going to move on to another site. If any of the mods from back then finds this status and deletes it, or worse, ban me, I don't care. It will only mean they are as insecure as the admins on Miiverse. (Remember that place?) Otherwise, I'll likely only have this account still be open for private messaging.

Follow me on all these other sites: https://solo.to/kirbyranitar.

By the time of making this thread, it has now been two weeks since the contretemps I had, and as expected, the person I tried to apologize to—who I will now refer to her by the proper pronouns—decided to not accept it. However, I learned my lesson: What I tried to do with my close friends may start as a genuine desire to brighten their day, but even the nicest things have their side-effects that will morph them into something that’ll make those people uncomfortable. I should've stopped myself and told the person something along the lines of "Nevermind. Though, I feel like something is wrong here," and maybe address my behavior and fear of certain events to them. Clinginess to that extent is indeed an unwritten sin; but how is me being ditched over it any better? How would anybody seek evidence that people who are in my position changed? It’s 2022, and I had enough of hearing to the same generic “maybe she was scared” excuse. It was used 2 years ago with a previous ex-best friend who refused to tell me that she wasn’t comfortable with me labeling her as a sibling, and what happened 2 weeks ago was more than just that.

The fact that I remembered the person from way back then angered me enough to come to a realization which will likely come off as discriminative for the sake of me wanting to avoid history-repeating conflicts: Maybe I should never again befriend any girl who's born in 2003-2005 and have a Dragon-Type pokésona. It's bad enough that countless people who took advantage of me over the past 5 years (most notably on Discord) just so happen to be born within that year range, while the first and third things sound more like minor coincidences. Coincidence or not, it didn't stop me from sensing a cycle of events that's only beginning to repeat every two years. Next time I meet someone with at least 2 of those details on them, I'll still be willing to be their friend if their trust for me grows on them first rather than the other way around, but they won't EVER be expecting me to treat them or label them as a sibling, even if they go for the initiative like I would.

Regardless of what I learned or what the reasons behind the mishaps are, if people are too scared to do something as simple as consult me about my behavior or decisions even when I'm not giving a punishment to someone, I would be three times as furious if they chose to run away, hide, and do whatever the hell they want thinking they would avoid "being attacked" by me because they don't want to be wrong about the slightest of things for the sake of keeping their clout. This is why friends "get replaced," and even when I moved on from some of these mishaps, the people who--and I quote--"CLEARLY WON THE ARGUMENT" continues to spy on me for the sake of defending themselves. How am I still in the wrong when this is happening? No answer? Am I just going to be blamed for what THEY'RE doing?

Okay. I'll remember that. So, in the end... I'm done. I acknowledged my 2 mistakes and moved on from my depression. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

This is the first time in 2 years I was sad over a broken friendship whether if it's real or fake. I'm not going to say the name of the person I'm apologizing to or refer to them by the proper pronoun since I'm saying this apology publicly because I don't want this person to feel or be attacked, even if A: They're very likely not on Newgrounds, B: everybody didn't know until now that I even have a Newgrounds page to begin with, or even aware that I decided to migrate here after leaving Twitter abruptly all because I was (and still am) feeling guilty over what I did to this person. I even deactivated my already-abandoned DeviantArt page, so I can prevent myself from looking like a stalker, otherwise, I'd be no better than the person who called the authorities while stalking me for me concern (which happened a few months back, and even today, I'm still trying to process how that makes sense).

Admittedly, I was being overly too generous to them by constantly giving them gifts consisting of things I either don't have use for or refuse to keep to myself otherwise I'd feel greedy when I'll get more stuff in the near future, and that came off as me being so clingy it made them uncomfortable. I explained a part of why I was doing it if you read my previous thread. To explain the other part, it's because I was paranoid to lose them over something I'm "not supposed to" be aware about, especially after the fact that I lost 2 other friends this year; one of which was another precious someone who ended up committing a crime without my whereabouts, and I wished not to be tied to that. Knowing how emotional this person gets, I didn't tell them any of this because I don't want to scare them or look like I'm just going to them for sympathy even if I WERE to do something to provoke any of these people to go for the initiative. I extremely don't understand what kind feeling has got into me when I made a pitiful attempt to make this person's day, other than the fear that I'll be all alone, forced to once again change who I am as a person. When you have the mindset that you need to change, do you internally ask yourself if it was for the better? Because in long-term, it isn't.

I did not ask for a life falsely being claimed as an attention seeker who does nothing but harass people. I've already been given a bad name by a bunch of middle school dropouts who played with my emotions so they can over-exaggerate my faults, and I refuse to make that true. Life without a close connection to people is just plain miserable! So, if this person is reading this, I'm trying to be clear as I could to say how sorry I am for my clinginess. It was out of character for me. I knew the day would come when I made them run away from me because I pretended to be the brother I'm not and got too extreme caring for them like the sibling I wish I had. As contradicting this may sound, the overall fact that I'm saying this publicly already implies that I'm accepting the responsibility. I ask for forgiveness for having such a questionable desire, but learning from past experiences, I know from the beginning that the end result won't be in my favor... either properly or at all.

Click the hyperlink for Part 3.

I recognized that is has been ages since I've posted a blog here on Newgrounds, which now is making me think that it has gotten to the point where this would be the last website anyone of my usual audience would think I would migrate to after I decided to quit Twitter recently. After all, it's better the vent here or on my server than what's regarded as one of the most infamous sites. Before anyone ask: Yes, I'm aware that it's under ownership by one of the most childish billionaires of mankind, but this is not what's it about. This has nothing to do with what goes on where, but rather about me addressing how sinful it is to be clingy towards the people you like to support.

I’ve learned something a few months back that you don’t need to have common sense to care for someone. However, I’m under the impression that this advice didn’t seem to work wonders for me, provoking myself to feel guilty due to how hard that bit me. I’ve always wanted to do something special for the people closest to me, especially when they’ve been through tough times in their personal lives, seemingly like there’s no one to be supportive like a sibling. I know nothing but to give or remain silent. Is neither okay?

Remembering my old self from before 2020, he would imagine, and I quote: "a limit" for how much he cares for his friends and won’t go to an ‘excessive’ degree. Today, I question if I ended up annoying them by becoming too generous for the sake of keeping their trust, only to lose it 2 years after we met? This feeling was what finished off my old self 2 years ago. I insanely couldn’t control my thoughts after realizing my emotions had been manipulated, and later, I would pay for a sin I didn’t commit.

I wanted to change for the better, but what lesson is there for me to learn? I'm uncertain if the lesson is to not be so clingy towards people I care for, or to never start bonds to begin with. There’s no choice for me but to accept another unnatural personality change as I'm trying to find answers and forgiveness. Maybe I should stop expecting people to repay me and labeling my friends as family. I might even go as far as putting a stop to gift art... entirely as I know why most people don't do it so constantly compared to me. My emotions have already overpowered me for long enough, and I want to fight them as part of preventing myself from reliving more events from 2020!

Click the hyperlink for Part 2.

Consider this a follow-up to my previous rant, as this quote alone or anything else along those lines pretty much proves the point I was trying to make back then, and knowing that frustrates me in ways that provokes me to repeatedly ask "why? For what purpose?"

This is my perspective of why some artists have the will power to deny any art request they're not comfortable doing. If the artwork gets publishes, it becomes a "red herring" which will lead to people expecting to see more of it or anything under it's category from the artist. So what if one person out of 7.2 billion on this planet we call Earth refuse to draw--for a prime example--someone's obligatory [INSERT GEN 6-8 POKEMON] OC? Why is it such a huge deal if none of them is included in the artist's headcanon, with the addition of them refusing to make their own? What makes them "more special" than anything else? All of these are questions that are expected to not received a valid answer to, as no one thinks about the story we as content creators are trying to tell with our work. I'm not trying to say that I don't want my work to receive attention at all. While it is good that it is in general from time to time, it all comes back to me saying I prefer not to rely on MacGuffins to make my art popular. This also applies to making mods, films... you name it. I don't think I need to explain even further.

Okay... since Discord's Clyde bot decided to actually censor me on MY VERY OWN SERVER, I'm going to say it here and paste the link to the thread on my announcement channel. In fact, what I got to say should be public anyway.

Throughout the entirety of 2021, I’ve been getting countless—quote-on-quote—“suggestions” to play games that I have little to no interest, time, motivation, or reason to play. When it comes to games that are trendy, cost the same amount of money as another game I’m better off buying, or whatever as long as it’s the exact same one, I’M SICK OF IT!!! I’m beginning to (45%) understand why the developers/mods of the Pokémon Crystal Clear’s official server are more strict than the Miiverse Admins to the point where they made a stupid statement saying “suggestions and requests are the same thing,” and I hate to end up being no better than them; but since a similar situation happened a few years prior (speaking of Miiverse), it looks like I have no choice now.

I’m officially going to resort to adding a new rule that on my server saying if someone is going to be so desperate for one to get a game that’s not in their interest, they have to give them the money or download code first. If it’s something people can get for free solely because it can be emulated or it's on Game Pass, then paying them isn’t necessarily; but regardless if the game is free or not, if someone (like me) has to say no to it over 5 times no matter where they are (IRL or online) only to continue hearing people say anything along the lines of “you gotta play it,” and if their reasons are the equivalent as why Pokémon fans love these guys so much, then that is by definition peer pressure, and it will result 2 strikes! So I don’t want to hear phrases like:

-“Because it’s good.”

-“Because I say so.”

-“Because it’s mandatory!”

ENOUGH ALREADY!!! I want to hear ACTUALLY reasons! It has happened before with Super Mario 3D World, and it’s better to spend my already-destroyed reputation than my own money to prevent this peer pressure from happening again! Sorry if I sounded like an a$$hole, but this year had been the overlord of stress!

This is a discussion I'm much better off talking about here on Newgrounds than on any other websites... (including my own Discord Server): The reason why I never draw post-Unova Pokémon is that I never liked any of their designs, nor do I see why it's such an "obligation" to have anything to do with them; with the bar minimum being to simply favor at least one and the close maximum is getting the sense that drawing them feels more like a job to mandatorily get more traction than my other illustrations does, rather than something I want to do; especially when it comes to future events such as me opening requests or art trades. I've been sitting down on my desk asking to a wall "why is this the case" ever since mid-2014, back in the old Miiverse era (remember that site?) It's like a big turn-away from other aspects of any artwork that's shown to the public. Think about the movie, Frozen, and how ONE SONG was the source behind it's popularity, as that's supposed to tell you that no one pays attention to other plot points of the film.

In my honest opinion, the Pokémon designs introduced in generation 6 (and might as well mention 7) are inhumanly ugly, and there's really nothing about them that makes them stand out to me, and it especially doesn't help if they're being solved down my throat reminding me that they exist thanks to countless fans even when I simply scroll pass them. I get that they're trying to move towards more cartoon-ish designs over sharp designs, but I feel like it just doesn't work, and the end result is that they lack any purpose other than only existing just to be stock material for ship art and furry fan service; considering the fact that furries are the more defensive-types than everyone else who blindly lashes out on people who have a distaste for their favorites. I'm not saying furries are bad, nor do I tend to dig deep into that subject matter otherwise, I'll go off-topic, but this is actually a pattern that took me 3 years (from November 2017 to December 2020) to begin noticing. Luckily, I'm not the only person who followed this pattern like some kind of detective... although, you may argument that it's just coincidence, but is it really anymore... or to begin with?

When was the last time you see a person have a distaste for a Pokémon that just so happen to be from Generation 6 (or 7)? The prime example would be the 4 Kalos Mascots. Fans would whine at them like there's no tomorrow for countless invalid reasons. It's evident that those fans won't have anything to support their argument as all they'll do is shove images in their notification boxes, and say something like "JUST LOOK AT IT" or "HOW DO YOU NOT LIKE IT," or just any short-sentence imaginable followed by them blocking you faster than you can say "whatever." Demanding and begging respect like that would only repel people from gaining any interest in them.

So to sum it up, I don't see any appeal, purpose, or achievement for drawing post-Unova Pokémon as an artist, and I feel like this reason has been justified when I watched this video. I am not a fan of using "red herrings" to getting some noteworthy attention from people, meaning why just look at one corner of a page, and claim it's more important than anything else? I just come up with characters from various games and anime I enjoy, maybe give them modified appearances, give them skills that another character has, and make one huge crossovers with them; like when I did the whole thing with Pokémon using Kirby abilities. I always think outside the box, and limit predictability as a way to make myself be different from other artists.

I don't know if I missed anything. If I did, then thank good for Newgrounds providing a hyperlink feature, and hopefully this discussion doesn't offend anybody as I tried my best effort to be as reasonable as I can; because trust me, if I were post this on Twitter, I bet people would stop reading and scream "BRUH" at me. I hope people understand as it also goes to show that each artist have a standard.

It has been a long time since I last used Newgrounds to... well... DO ANYTHING. I never had the thought of using this site as my main art gallery as I was making one last journal entry on my Deviant Art Page saying that I'll be moving to Pixiv to not only continue to post my art, but also interact with other artist and become friends with them in a faster pace, and that claim was followed up by me ranting about how 2020 was the worst year of my life and how a number of fake friends basically played with my anger for the sake of clout as I was making a reasonable attempt to address the errors of their ways (though, that's a story for another day).

So, I'm back. I'll pop my head here and post some art here and there, and I hope to see some new people.

I didn’t realize I can actually share some regular text posts here. I’ve been on new grounds for a month now, and basically all I do is post the exact same art as what’s uploaded on my DA Page.

As of now, I’m currently going out of state for 4 to 6 days. After that, my vacation is almost over and I’m getting ready for college. After that, I’ll try to be active to post more content. I’ll try to bring in some Kirby and Mario since I mostly post Pokémon very recently. Please understand that keeping a fair balance is sometimes hard for me. Other than that, hope everyone have a nice day.