This is the first time in 2 years I was sad over a broken friendship whether if it's real or fake. I'm not going to say the name of the person I'm apologizing to or refer to them by the proper pronoun since I'm saying this apology publicly because I don't want this person to feel or be attacked, even if A: They're very likely not on Newgrounds, B: everybody didn't know until now that I even have a Newgrounds page to begin with, or even aware that I decided to migrate here after leaving Twitter abruptly all because I was (and still am) feeling guilty over what I did to this person. I even deactivated my already-abandoned DeviantArt page, so I can prevent myself from looking like a stalker, otherwise, I'd be no better than the person who called the authorities while stalking me for me concern (which happened a few months back, and even today, I'm still trying to process how that makes sense).

Admittedly, I was being overly too generous to them by constantly giving them gifts consisting of things I either don't have use for or refuse to keep to myself otherwise I'd feel greedy when I'll get more stuff in the near future, and that came off as me being so clingy it made them uncomfortable. I explained a part of why I was doing it if you read my previous thread. To explain the other part, it's because I was paranoid to lose them over something I'm "not supposed to" be aware about, especially after the fact that I lost 2 other friends this year; one of which was another precious someone who ended up committing a crime without my whereabouts, and I wished not to be tied to that. Knowing how emotional this person gets, I didn't tell them any of this because I don't want to scare them or look like I'm just going to them for sympathy even if I WERE to do something to provoke any of these people to go for the initiative. I extremely don't understand what kind feeling has got into me when I made a pitiful attempt to make this person's day, other than the fear that I'll be all alone, forced to once again change who I am as a person. When you have the mindset that you need to change, do you internally ask yourself if it was for the better? Because in long-term, it isn't.

I did not ask for a life falsely being claimed as an attention seeker who does nothing but harass people. I've already been given a bad name by a bunch of middle school dropouts who played with my emotions so they can over-exaggerate my faults, and I refuse to make that true. Life without a close connection to people is just plain miserable! So, if this person is reading this, I'm trying to be clear as I could to say how sorry I am for my clinginess. It was out of character for me. I knew the day would come when I made them run away from me because I pretended to be the brother I'm not and got too extreme caring for them like the sibling I wish I had. As contradicting this may sound, the overall fact that I'm saying this publicly already implies that I'm accepting the responsibility. I ask for forgiveness for having such a questionable desire, but learning from past experiences, I know from the beginning that the end result won't be in my favor... either properly or at all.

Click the hyperlink for Part 3.